Cherokee fights teen dating violence
by Kristal Dixon
kdixon@cherokeetribune.com
August 26, 2010 12:00 AM | 3420 views | 0 0 comments | 13 13 recommendations | email to a friend | print
The rising problem of dating violence and the national case involving a college lacrosse player's death has prompted a new campaign to educate Cherokee County teens.

The Cherokee County Domestic Violence Task Force has made the issue a priority and is planning events to focus on ending teen dating violence.

The case of Yeardley Love, the 22-year-old University of Virginia student who was found dead in her off-campus apartment in May allegedly at the hands of her former boyfriend, has drawn attention to the issue.

Rebekah Shelnutt, a Cherokee County assistant district attorney, said the couple's troubled relationship is an all too common occurrence among young adults and teenagers today.

Ms. Love's ex-boyfriend allegedly attacked her while intoxicated, but did not remember hitting her. A violent incident between the couple had to be broken up by fellow lacrosse players, and he sent Ms. Love threatening e-mails and text messages after the break up.

She was unable to get a restraining order against him, as Virginia law excludes people in dating relationships from obtaining restraining orders against their partners.

Ms. Shelnutt said Ms. Love's friends were aware of the couple's troubles and the violence, but didn't intervene.

Peer acceptance of dating violence is a big part of the problem, Ms. Shelnutt said.

"We want them to not accept violence," she said of the goal of the new campaign.

She and others working on the campaign have a challenge ahead, as the problem affects many teens and young adults.

Ms. Shelnutt pointed to the Centers for Disease Control's 2009 report on teen dating violence, which notes one in four adolescents report verbal, physical, mental or emotional abuse from a partner each year.

The American Bar Association reports while 18- to 24-year-olds were 11.7 percent of the population between 1998 and 2002, they made up 42 percent of victims who were physically assaulted by their dating partners.

At the Cherokee Family Violence Center last year, Ms. Shelnutt said, out of 1,080 victims receiving help, 89 were between the ages of 15 and 19, and 124 were between the ages of 10 and 14.

The actual number of victims, Ms. Shelnutt said, is likely higher.

Teen dating violence, she said, is "underreported" in Cherokee because teenagers don't confide in parents or other adults, but keep information between themselves.

Michelle Knapp, outreach coordinator at the Cherokee Family Violence Center, is working with the task force.

The group, she said, will set up booths at football games at county high schools and pass out information to students and parents about teen dating violence.

Ms. Knapp said the pamphlets will contain information on what's a healthy relationship and the signs teens should look for in friends who may be in abusive relationships.

"Everyone seems to know someone in a potentially dangerous situation," she said.

So far, booths will be at Woodstock High School on Sept. 24, Etowah High School and River Ridge High School on Oct. 1 and at Cherokee High School on Oct. 8.

Melissa Paurowski, cheerleading coach at Etowah High School, said she got her school involved, as it's a "great cause to help educate students on the subject of teen violence."

Ms. Paurowski said the school's cheerleaders will also pass out information and use the color purple to commemorate October as Domestic Violence Awareness month.

"I am just hoping that this event will help educate our students bring awareness to the community," she said.

Signs of violence in a teenage relationship mirror that of adults' domestic violence, such as physical abuse (including sleep deprivation by using text messaging to harass a partner between midnight and 5 a.m.); emotional abuse (controlling who a partner can socialize with and their wardrobe); sexual and verbal abuse.

Ms. Shelnutt said teens who witness abuse at home or abuse drugs or alcohol are more likely to exhibit violent behavior.

She also informs parents to look for sudden isolation in their teens, such as only spending time with one person instead of their friends.

The use of technology is becoming more and more prevalent in teen dating violence.

Ms. Shelnutt said many teens in abusive relationships are bombarded with numerous text messages, calls and e-mails from partners, demanding to know where they are what they are doing and who they are with. She also said social networking sites such as Facebook are used to stalk partners.

Ms. Shelnutt said she wants teens to understand that violent and controlling behavior in dating relationships is not a normal occurrence between teenagers who are dating.

She also encourages teens to reach out to friends who may be in a troubling situation.

While a student, Jackie (whose name has been changed to protect her identity) was in a "controlling" relationship with a boy who attended school with her.

Jackie spent most of her time with her boyfriend and said things were great in the beginning. Then her boyfriend got into drugs and began to change.

Jackie said he would lash out at her and told her who she was allowed to talk to. She was forced to cut all ties with her friends that were boys and was limited to only associating with a small number of girlfriends.

"It grew from there," she said. "It was like walking on eggshells toward the end of our relationship."

Jackie suffered from physical abuse at the hands of her boyfriend. One day, she said, he "snapped" and started choking her. Jackie said she thinks he was trying to break her neck.

"It was like he was proud of it," she said, adding he later repeatedly apologized for his actions.

After accepting his apology and resuming the relationship, it was great for a month, but then her boyfriend resorted to using violence against her again.

Unable to take any more, Jackie finally told him that they were done.

"He would say, 'No you're not,'" she added. "He knew every way to manipulate me. It was sickening."

Jackie stuck by her word and cut off all contact with him. That didn't stop him, as he would send her numerous text messages and repeatedly call her cell phone and leave voice messages. He hacked into her Facebook and e-mail accounts and changed her password.

He followed her while driving to a friend's house at night and flashed his headlights into her back window.

"There was no stopping him," she said.

Her boyfriend, she said, threatened to kill her and showed up at her place of employment. Jackie said he eventually was arrested and pleaded guilty to making terroristic threats.

Jackie said the relationship blinded her ability to see clearly, even though family and friends spoke up, but now she "has this freedom."

She also has a message for other young women in her situation.

"If anyone tries to make you change and tell you what you can do or who you can hang out with, that's a main warning sign," she said. "They should love you for who you are and like you for who you are."
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